I never had idols during my childhood. Maybe I simply have never been the type of person who looks up to others, but rather someone who focuses on going her own way. I guess to some extent neither the people that I met and interacted with nor media actually offered me fitting idols. I grew up without a Black community in a part of the world where white bodies dominate the spaces that I move through, the people that I interact with as well as television, magazines and billboards; where white people’s stories and achievements are deemed noteworthy.

Up until some years ago I didn’t have an explicit, thorough understanding of skin color and/or race, but I was aware that the difference matters. No matter how much I would work my ass off, I would never look like those idolised white people. I could never say: This could be me! This might be less relevant when it comes to intellectual or creative achievements, but it is definitely a significant factor in sports, dance and other body-centered activities (e.g. modeling and acting). It’s harder to imagine yourself doing certain moves when the examples that you see don’t look like you with regards to skin color, physique, hair texture etc.
This lack of representation also works as a gate keeper: You don’t see black bodies in certain fields and you easily arrive at the conclusion that there *are* no black bodies in those fields, especially if you are unaware of the close connection between structural racism and media. Which I was certainly not aware of until some years ago.

This blog post is not so much intended to be an analysis of media’s lack of representation and structural racism. Rather, it is a praise for social media’s potential to overcome it: Some time ago I started following black artists and creators who are more or less closely connected to my interests. This was already a great way to create a safe Black bubble within my dominantly white everyday life. I realised how much representation mattered when I started following black pole dancers with different body types. It’s always hard to imagine yourself doing something as a beginner, but it get’s harder when the models are all white, petite, and ripped. No way would anything look elegant if I were doing it!
But looking at those many different Black pole dancers I could see how certain moves would look like if I were doing them. This was a massive boost for my motivation and also improved my skills: it made visualising easier and I had more self-confidence. After a while I found an amazing choreo by Ashley Fox. I was overwhelmed by its elegance and beauty and for the first time I could say: This could be me! The only difference between her and me are many years of training, experience and skills, but achieving them is totally up to me! And that felt so good.